A Sticky Note Reminder

A few weeks ago I found a random sticky note in one of the library books I had been reading. It read:

"My flesh and my heart may fail, but God's the strength of my heart and my portion forever."

- Psalm 73:26.

Though we may fail it does not matter because our hope, our trust, our dependence is not in ourselves but in God.

I thought it was a great reminder to find.

A Question Worth Asking

One thing about not having to worry about school or a job is that I finally have the time to sit down and actually read some of the books on my ‘to read’ list. One of these books which I eagerly added to my list after this past summer was the book God Wins: Heaven, Hell, and why the good news is better than Love wins by Mark Galli. I’m not going to summarize the book, though I will say that I thought it was excellent in how it gave the Biblical view of God, man, heaven, hell, justice and love in response to Rob Bell’s book Love Wins.

One of the things that caught my attention were a set of questions Galli asks in chapter 4 he writes:

“Do we want to know God, or do we just want to stop feeling guilty for living godless lives? Do we want to know God, or do we just want him to do something in our lives- that is, are we using God for our own agenda? Do we want God, or do we just want to please someone else, like a parent or a spouse who is a devout believer? Our wants are fickle and mysterious. God is mysterious too, but he is not fickle-he is the only one on whom we can absolutely depend. We certainly cannot depend on knowing what we want.” (page70).

These questions are straight forward…they don’t need explanation. They did remind me of Romans 2:24-29 which is a warning against acting a certain way without inward change and in doing so becoming hypocritical (I actually wrote a blog on that sometime back). These questions Galli poses can be summed up in one question: “what are your motivations for what you are doing?” I think it’s easy to automatically think of the ‘big’ things (Galli’s example is our relationship with God) but what about the ‘small’ day to day things we do?

I think it’s worth thinking about it.

Romans 4 reflections...

I've been re-reading and re-writing my Romans notes from this summer (unfortunately my Journal only made it a couple weeks at SWO before falling a part). The other day I came across the notes I had written on Romans 4: 20-21 and was reminded of how much I LOVE those verses!

Here is an excerpt from my Journal on them:

Romans 4:18-21: "Against all hope, Abraham in hope believed and so became the father of many nations, just as it had been said to him, 'so shall your offspring be'. Without weakening in his faith, he faced the fact that his body was as good as dead-since he was about a hundred years old-and that Sarah's womb was also dead. Yet he did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God, being fully persuaded that God had power to do what he had promised”


Every time I read this passage it makes me shiver with excitement! Though this passage is specifically talking about Abraham Scripture is full of those who lived and acted on this kind of faith (Daniel, David, the centurion and Paul to name only a few more).

I think that there are several things that we allow to cast doubt on our faith and/or things we allow Satan to use to come between our faith: Some I can think of right of hand I have noticed several times in my own life: Circumstance, Fear, and the flesh (pride and control or self-sufficiency/Independence). These things can cause despair, anxiety and depression…things we can become enslaved too. We must contend against them.


Circumstances: It is easy for us to claim the promises of God when things seem to be going well in our lives, but what about when things go wrong? I think we forget that the very definition of faith is “being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see” (Hebrews 11:1). We know God’s promises but our belief wavers depending on our circumstances and we allow doubt to take hold (like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind James 1:6). Satan knows this. He knows that he can use our circumstances to attack our faith and often we let him! Our belief that God will fulfill his promises is not based on our circumstances but based on who God is.

Fear:Other times I think we do believe God will come through and that he does have the best for us in mind…but our minds are clouded with fear… how painful will the process be? This reminds me of a C.S. Lewis quote which states “we are not doubting that God desires the best for us…we are wondering how painful the best will be” I think this fear is two-fold: fear of the initial pain itself and an underlining fear that, despite what we claim to know, God won’t come through for us, that we will be left hurt and alone with no one to turn to. (We know that the worst thing that can happen to us is to be separated from God). Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future”Pain is inevitable in our world. God does not promise us our lives will be painless (in fact he warns us of the opposite!) however, he does promise that he will be with us through our pain and that everything we go through he allows for a purpose...and no matter how bad it seems he has the power to work it for our good, and to bring glory to him through it.

Flesh: (Pride/Control/Self-sufficiency etc) I think this is perhaps the hardest pitfall for believers today. Our culture screams that we should be self-reliant, and that we should not have to trust or lean on anyone besides ourselves. This is the opposite of what the Bible says. In Proverbs 3:5&6 we are urged to trust in God and not in our own understanding. The very definition of faith takes us from our natural default of relying and depending on ourselves to depending on God, and things that we cannot see an outcome for. Pride/Control/Self-sufficiency whatever you wish to call it can become a stronghold between us and the faith Abraham has in this passage because it can become a ‘god’ of its own.

In Crazy Love Francis Chan’s description of a lukewarm Christian is the perfect example of how this ‘god’ isn’t simply a stronghold against faith, but leads to a frightening image of those who are independent of God. He writes “they do not live by faith; their lives are structured so they never have to. They don’t have to trust God if something unexpected happens-they have their savings account. They don’t need God to help them-they have their retirement plan in place. They don’t genuinely seek out what life God would have them live-they have life figured and mapped out. They don’t depend on God on a daily basis-their refrigerators are full and, for the most part, they are in good health. The truth is, their lives wouldn’t look much different if they suddenly stopped believing in God.”

We should never trust ourselves before/instead of trusting God…it almost seems ridiculous to think about: we are sinful, depraved mortals who have limited knowledge, resources and we would rather take matters into our own hands than put faith in the God and Creator of the Universe.

In order to have faith we must contend with our flesh every day and remember that it is not about us but about God. We must remind ourselves who we are not and who God is. (Psalm 103 is a great picture of this)

Summer reflections and current happenings

It's strange to think that at this time last year I was finishing the last semester of my undergraduate career. It's very different going from a busy summer at SWO to a busy semester vs. going from SWO back home. In some ways I don't think it's a transition I know how to do since the past 4 years I have constantly been going from one thing to another and have had very little 'down time'. On the other hand, not having the responsibilities of school or work pressing on me does give me time for reflection. No doubt I'll probably envy this time in a few more months.

This summer at SWO ended well.
Perhaps, it is because I have grown a lot since last summer, or maybe because I was distracted last summer, but I found SWO11 to be even more challenging than SWOX. I was constantly pressed with the weight of the ministry we had undertook...the responsibility of presenting the Gospel to our students and the urgency to do it even in the very short time we had. At the same time going back and re-studying the beginning of Romans (I had been studying Romans personally since last summer) was awesome! I've shared a little bit on this blog what God has taught me through his Word, but it's continually amazing to me how much he continues to teach us even as we are obedient in what he calls us to do. Near the end of the summer (about the time everyone starts to talk about next summer) God began laying something on my heart..something I realize that he had been preparing me for all summer: SWO11 would be my last full summer working at SWO. It sounds sad but with it God gave me an overwhelming since of peace. There is a time for everything (and we know God's timing is perfect). The past two summers have been amazing and I have learned so much! But God has another appointment for me next summer. Obviously, I have no idea what it is yet but I can't help feeling excited about it! Not excited about leaving SWO mind you...I love my SWO family and it will always have a part of my heart, but excited about the new direction God is calling me in, the new challenges I will face, the new ways he has for me to grow spiritually, and the opportunities I will have to minister to others. One thing I have to continually remind myself is that I don't work God's calling into my future...I submit to God's calling and that guides my future. That alone is super cool to me.

As far as "Current Happenings" I took the GRE (Graduate Record Examinations) in September. I don't know who came up with the brilliant idea to create a 4+ hour test but I can guarantee that I will never be friends with them. Overall I think the test went very well, and that my many months of study paid off. I will get my final scores in December after my interview and than will hear if I have been accepted into the program or not.

Daddy got me a little suv and he is amazing (yes I said he). I named him Henry and he will soon be going through a makeover which will include (but will not be limited to) purple seat covers, various pink interior decorating, and some of my favorite stickers on his back. Henry especially wishes to visit Clemson (despite the hideous orange and purple combination) and SWO so hopefully I will be able to take him soon. ;)

I also applied two places for temporary holiday work (work that lasts 6-12 weeks during the holiday rush). I figured it would give me something to do and give me some extra cash for Christmas presents and school necessaries.

I suppose that really is all for now. I've been re-reading my journal from this summer and will probably post a few entries in a day or two.

Summer Reflections I

So, first I want to state that it's pretty sad that I haven't posted in so long that I actually forgot the link for my blog and had to go through facebook to get it....Fail.

Since May 14th I've been in Andrews, NC at Snowbird Wilderness Outfitters (the best camp in the world...but I may be a little biased ;)

It's exciting to be back but surreal in a way.....I can't believe that last summer here went by so fast and even now we're nearly done with the second week of staff training! Crazy how time flies.

This summer is supper exciting and encouraging for me because not only do I get to return to work in an incredible ministry setting with several people I worked with last year (many of them close friends to me now) but there's the addition of getting to know new staffers and I daily find myself excited about having the opportunity to meet so many awesome brothers and sisters in Christ.

As is typical with any camp schedule ours is packed full and staff training is no exception! It's been a challenge going from getting up at 11am and going to bed at 12am to getting up at 6:00am and going to bed at 10/11pm.

(p.s. At this point I want to state how much i truly do love Raebae...and it has nothing to do with the fact she is sitting right next to my arm watching me type this ;)

But it's rejuvenating knowing that, even now, we're preparing to minister to hundreds of kids this summer and that we do that through everything we do now....whether that's painting the skate park or folding hundreds of t-shirts. =)

That's all I have for now. I feel like my thoughts are supper scattered right now and making it hard for me to concentrate on writing (which, if any of you know me...is insane in itself). But I will pose more later. There's so much I've been learning and thinking about even in just the past week and a half and I can't wait to see what the rest of the summer holds!

Reflections from Romans 4/7/11

This summer the SWO staff are going through the book of Romans together. The following is from my journal and just some of my thoughts coming from Romans 2:16, and Romans 2:24-29 that really hit me hard: In Romans verses 24-29 Paul begins to talk about circumcision. Doing one thing outwardly and yet acting another way. It is a warning against hypocrisy. A warning against 'acting' without inner change...your actions and attitude both must change not simply our outward appearance of perceived obedience. We must remember that we represent God above all. When we teach/speak in a certain way but our actions contradict, others look at us and shake their heads in amusement. "They are Christians?". We make a mockery out of God. But, (and here's where the Holy Spirit whacked me over the head) when we obey God's commands but our attitudes, and motivation contradict those actions, we do the same thing even though those around us may be none the wiser. We mock God to his face. Mock: To hold up, to scorn or contempt; ridicule, to cheapen. To defy, and make futile. (adj: a sham; false imitation). We really, really, really need to think about this and understand the ramifications of this! "Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. a man reaps what he sows." (Galatians 6:7). Do we realize who we are 'playing games' with? We cannot lie to, or manipulate God. God knows our hearts, our secrets, and the motivation behind our actions. This goes back to Romans 2:16 where it talks about "when God judges men's secrets through Jesus Christ" We must be really stupid or we just do not understand. It is not just an issue of actions...it's about attitude and motivation. How do we mock God in our daily lives?

• By thinking he can be an accessory to our lives


• By preaching/teaching in a way that we do not act


• By acting in a way that does not fit our attitudes (hearts)


• by doing things we know are sin but continuing in them anyways


• by ignoring the fact that God is sovereign and we either obey him or reject him


• By forgetting that Christ was nailed to the cross for the sin we daily justify to fulfill our personal gratification


• By making Christianity a list of 'dont's' and seeing how close to the line we can get without 'breaking the rules'


• By forgetting that our lives are not our own


• By forgetting that life is a battle not a game. We do not have the right to play/toy with our bodies, hearts, minds, and relationships however we want. We are called to a higher purpose and higher standard.


• By forgetting that we do not deserve anything. That kindness, tolerance, patience, and love our gifts from God bestowed out of his grace toward us.


• By forgetting that the consequences of sin is death and it is ONLY through Christ that we are saved.

This journal entry laid out the question for me to answer: How often do I mock God? How often do I pray that he will give me the right attitude...in addition to giving me the strength to obey his commands? I think somewhere down the line I forget that attitude does matter to the God that knows my every thought.

I'm doing this new idea where I read a Psalm every day. This reminded be of Psalm 51 when David came before the Lord broken and repentant, crying "Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me" (verses 10-11).

David got it. Do we get it?

The present, the future and the waiting in-between

I happened to look at a calendar today (which...if you happen to know me is a big deal...because I am not usually one to keep a schedule or, for that matter, know what day of the week it is!) and I was shocked to discover how fast time has gone by. I graduated in December unsure what in the world I was going to do the 4 or 5ish months until the summer. Now, the summer is almost here! I have always been a 'go getter': knowing what I would like to do, making plans on how I could get there, and actively pursuing what I needed to do to accomplish that. For the past year I've felt a steady call to pursue a career in Wilderness therapy...not as a wilderness guide but as a licensed counselor. Within this wide area of work I've discovered a call, as well as a deep passion, to work with teenage girls who have been through sexual trauma. It's a long road a head of me to get to where I'll be able to do this (3 years of a masters program, and a year, possibly 2, of specialty training as a sex therapist) but I am super excited about where God is leading me....and yet....here I am sitting at home waiting. I've applied to graduate school for January...there really is nothing to do but wait...and I constantly find myself impatient and ready to go NOW. However, as God has reminded me many times in my life, I find myself again reminded that if I spend to much time thinking about, and planning the future...I miss the present, and the opportunities he's giving me right now. It is different to be home after 4 and 1/2 years away. I have no friends here, I have no job and one can only re-watch so many seasons of House without wondering..."what AM i doing?" My answer: waiting. God has a reason for having me at home right now. Instead of being impatient that I can't run ahead into the direction he is calling me...i should be grateful, and take advantage of the time he has given me with my family. In only about a month (or 41 days...but who's counting) the summer will be here and I will have the amazing opportunity to serve at Snowbird again. Thinking back on last summer I remember how important it was to take advantage of each day, and the time we had with each of our campers...I wasn't thinking ahead a week to what church I would have, I was completely occupied with the campers I had at that moment, and very aware of the short amount of time I had with them. The same will be true this summer. Why am I not like this everyday...right now for instance? Shouldn't I be taking advantage of the time I have in the present? the opportunities God has given me now? instead of being impatient that it would be time for something else? God has a reason for everything. I prepare for the future how I can now...but the future is in his hands (Jeremiah 29:11). I will go to graduate school (in January if it's his will) but that is not now. Even as i submit and surrender my future to God...I should do the same with the present. The present help prepares us for the future and I should be praying that God would use this time, that I am at home, to strengthen the relationship I have with my family, to show them love, appreciation, and to help me grow in my walk with him.